Purple Wedding to the Moon Vows
Part 1: Sermon
A. Billy’s Sermon w/ Choir
B. Billy calls the brides, Annie and Beth to stage.
C. Billy: Does anyone object to the marriage between Annie, Beth and the Moon?
Naomi Pitcairn objects: On the grounds that her family owns the Moon and the wedding goes against corporate values.
D. Billy defends the decision to marry the moon.
Part 2: Annie and Beth address the moon about our relationship.
Annie: Moon, thank you for being here tonight. We know you are there. I want to share my wife with you. We want to bring you into our relationship. Beth is my beloved life partner. We’ve been together nine wonderful years. She’s so much fun. She’s really into intimate relationships, and is a great collaborator. She’s so loveable. She’s an ecosexual, like me. She’s a great communicator. And she really cares about living things. People, animals... We have dog, Bob, too. She loves the earth and the environment. She cares about you.
Beth: Moon. I want to share my Annie with you. She’s no virgin, but virgins are overrated. Annie is a wonderful lover. She is experienced in marriage. She has married the earth, the sky, the sea, and me- and now she wants to marry you, dear moon. Annie is one kindest, most generous partners that the world has ever seen. You will benefit greatly from her love, and I myself have. She’s a sexecologist extraordinaire. And an ecosexual beyond belief. You’re going to love her.
Part 3: Annie and Beth tell the moon what they love about the moon.
Annie to Moon: (Annie circles Beth and says what she loves about the moon.) When I heard that NASA bombed you looking for water… I felt really sad. Some people think you’re a dead old hunk of rock, and it doesn’t matter. But I love you. You bring out the best in me. When I look at you, I feel spiritual. And calm, and good. You’re very sexy, very romantic, and you inspire me to no end. Moon, you sometimes make me a little crazy and wild, but I welcome that.
Beth to Moon: (Beth circles Annie and says what she loves about the moon.) Moon, we depend on you for our cycles. We plant our crops on your phases. The tides depend on your gravitational pull. We depend upon you to hold us in your gravitational arms. Hold us, moon. Make women have menstrual cycles so we can reproduce. Moon, guide us spiritually. You give us comfort, because you are always there. But you make us crazy. You give us permission to dream. You give us permission to sing sacred songs, to howl. We can be like a cow and jump over the moon, mooooo. Moon, you make us crazy, lunatic, you guide us in love.
Luna, Lunatic, Luna, Love (Hand gestures)
Builds to a climax. Choir joins, performers join. Builds to a howl and climaxes. Billy stops the lunacy and brings us back to the vows.
Part 4. Billy facilitates vows.
Billy: Are you now ready to make your vows?
Beth and Annie: We are ready!
Billy: (to audience) Anyone who feels called to make these vows with Annie, Beth and the Moon, please join in.
Billy: Do you promise to be more conscious of your water consumption?
All: I do.
Billy: Do you promise to protect the waters on earth, in order to protect the moon from human exploitation?
All: I do.
Billy: Do you promise to sharpen your intuition, wisdom, and vision, to activate your extra-sensory perceptions?
All: I do.
Billy: Do you promise to love, honor and obey the moon until death brings us closer together forever?
All: I do.
Part 5: The Rings
Billy: To remind you of your vows to the Moon, you will have rings! May we have the rings please?
(Ring bearers deliver rings. Annie and Beth put on their rings.)
Billy: (to Audience) And for your rings, reach up, put your hands up to the moon, see (or feel) the rings around the moon, and draw them down around you. Every time you look at the moon you’ll remember your vows and love for the moon.
Part 6. Proclamation and Kiss
Billy: Brides, you may now kiss!
(Start with third eyes, then lip kiss.)
Billy: (To Audience, Annie + Beth) You may all now kiss the moon.
(Everyone blows kiss to the moon.)
Billy: I now pronounce you married to the moon! Earth-a-lujha! Moon-a-lujha!!!!!
All: Earth-a-lujha! Moon-a-lujha!!!!!
(Recession music. Recess out.)
Special Thanks to Director Neon Weiss to helping us create and rehearse these vows