After the homily…

Note: The wedding guests were all asked to bring a rock to marry.

Officiant: We are ready to make the vows to the rocks with Annie and Beth!

Does anyone object to this union?  Speak now or forever hold your peace.

(Tech: take a microphone into the audience.)

Diana Pornoterrorista: I OBJECT! …. (Diana does a rant objecting on the grounds that we shouldn’t have to do what the state and museums want us to do. She then pulls out her “moon cup” from her vagina and pours her menstrual blood on the altar steps. Then gives her OK to proceed with the vows.)

O: Does anyone else object?

(No one does.)

O: Annie and Beth, are you ready to make your vows?

Annie and Beth: Yes.

O:  Please come forward.

A+B walk to front of stage and take three deep breaths while looking at the audience.

ANNIE AND BETH SAY TO EACH OTHER

(Right hands on each other’s hearts.)

“I love you. Yo me amo.

You love me. Tú me amas.

(Pull on each other’s arms while leaning backwards.)

You are my rock. Tú eres mi piedra.”

ANNIE AND BETH SAY TO THE AUDIENCE

(Circulating energy with the audience with our hands/arms.)

“We love you. Nosotras te amamos.

You are my rock. Tú eres mi piedra.”

ANNIE AND BETH SAY TO Señor ROCA

(Holding Señor Roca between us.)

I love you. Yo me amo.

You love us. Tú me amas.

You are my rock. Tú eres mi piedra.

ANNIE AND BETH SAY TO THE EARTH

I love you. Yo me amo.

You love us. Tú me amas.

You are my rock. Tú eres mi roca piedra.

DO YOU?

O: Beth, do you promise to love, honor and cherish the rocks for as long as you shall live?

Beth: Sí, prometo!

O: Annie, do you promise to love, honor and cherish the rocks as long as you shall live?

Annie: Sí, prometo!

O: (To audience): Do you promise to love, honor and breath in the rocks for as long as you shall live?

Audience: Sí, prometo!

RINGS

O: To remind you of your vows each day you will have rings.

Ring bearer brings rings, and brides put on each other.

O: Please put your rings on each other.

PROCLAMATION and KISS

O: I now pronounce you MARRIED TO THE ROCKS!!! Annie and Beth, you may now kiss Señor Roca.

O: You may now consummate the marriage with Señor Roca.

O: (To audience) You may now kiss your rocks.

RECESSION

MUSIC. Brides leave the stage first, then everyone else leaves the stage together and exits.